well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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