i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
