'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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