just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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