Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
