Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize