just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's no shave November. This is our time.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
