So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize