Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's official drugs can't kill me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
