did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
