Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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