life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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