My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
