im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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