next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
