I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
