i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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