Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
