Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
