It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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