I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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