Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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