sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
