In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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