he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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