I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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