So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
