She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
