i need an iv and a liver transplant
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize