Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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