He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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