I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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