dude i'm inner monologue high
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
