He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
