they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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