apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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