So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
