she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
