Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
