apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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