Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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