Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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