I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
