dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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