these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
