Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
