The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
