member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
