Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
