Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
