i was born a porn star she said
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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