I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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