I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
