drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize