I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
