he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
