i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
