either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk is a universal language darling
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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