Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
