I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
