she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
