look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
