is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize