Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
