My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
