just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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