I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
third nipple confirmed
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
