He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
